Just let me die already PLEASE

Heya. I just wrote that because is how I say hello, not because I’m happy.

Why am I such a coward? I lost many people’s trust, I lied, some people (most of them) hates me.

Today I tried to jump from my room’s window. I couldn’t do it. I hate myself. Who knows, maybe this is my last year in WordPress…and in life (?

I really don’t know. I really don’t want to cheer up myself anymore. I can’t lie to my self that way.

I lost also the only way to establish contact with someone I love. I won’t know anthing realationated with us until summer vacations. And who knows if I will even be able to see that person anymore. I just want that person to know I’m sorry and how big my love is for that someone.

I drew this, while smashing all my books against the floor, with tears rolling down my face.

It couldn’t represent myself better.

Sorry to everybody. Have a meowderful day, I don’t want to have one ever again.

~ Nya (?

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97 thoughts on “Just let me die already PLEASE”

  1. No Lulu ! If something went wrong with someone it doesn’t mean your life is over. Just wait either he/she will be back or you’ll find better.
    You’re strong ! You’re better than that. If you hurted someone’s feelings just apologize. If it doesn’t work than that person doesn’t deserve you.
    Please mail me! I’m here for you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Novus. I really didn’t care about explaining what happened in the post, because most people don’t even read it.
      I LOVE that person. So, so much. The problem is that that person doesn’t know that we lost the way to contact, but it will be noticed soon o later. On the other hand, I already apologized so many times…but I keep hurting them. It isn’t that they don’t deserve me, I don’t deserve THEM.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Dear, we all make mistakes. I live with my parents as i told you, and I’m not good with them as i should be, that doesn’t mean that i don’t deserve them, it means that i have a bad temper that comes from the inside which makes me do things that i shouldn’t do. I’m sure that they know you, they know your personality. Everyone is different and that’s the beauty of the humanity. You’re human you can’t be perfect. Don’t worry when that person comes to know everything will be alright.
        Come on! Cheer up. Come on a little smile 😁 that’s it…. a little more now !

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We all make mistakes…but are humans meant to keep making that same mistake over and over for a year? I don’t think so. I try to smile daily more for you guys and my family than for myself, I can’t control that. I know I’m not perfect, I don’t want to be like that. I just want to find a way to go back in time…two years ago. O maybe only 3 hours ago. Please…I would love that. Bit we can’t go back, I have to be consequent of my acts, and that may be the end of me.
        I still thank all your comments, it helps me more that what you think, believe me.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Lulu, we’re humans, we’re all silly, we repeat our mistakes all over. Look we had so many wars since the beginning of days yet we’re still fighting & killing each other in teethe 21th century.
        You can change your bad actions by good ones, it’s your choice. We can do it together if you want.
        Just don’t do anything stupid , you’re young , you have a life to change your behavior

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I guess so. And yeah, I hope the third world war doesn’t start this century. I tried changing them sooo many times. I tell the persons I hurt, I’m sorry CONSTANTLY and they keep loving me. After we argue they tell me to cheer up, but, know what? I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I don’t to cheer up myself. And I’m so sorry for disapointing you wordpress friends but I just can’t take it. Thanks for helping me always. I really apreciate all your comments Novus, I really do.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. If they keep loving you it’s because you’re good person . It means that what you did wasn’t sooo bad !
        What did you do that is so terrible ? Did you eat someone’s meal? Did you kill a bug? Did you insult someone dear? So what ? It’s your intention that counts.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I lied to them saying I was fully concentrated. I lied saying I didn’t have an objet (insert here) when I did. I lied telling them I would try harder. I’s sorry but right now all I can see is 1) nothing with my own tears 2) my room’s window AGAIN.

        Liked by 2 people

      7. Oh but that’s perfectly normal to lie!
        Everyone lie, even your professors lie! Plus ypu know that all the actors are paid to lie? They’re comedians i.e liars.
        Don’t worry dear you’re all fine. 😁
        When you grow up, you’ll see

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Look, my dad is 80% of the time disappointed at me. That doesn’t mean that my life is ruined, he knows how i am, and i know how he is. So what? Everyone is different. It’s not good to lie, but the human being lies! Babies who barely talk lies too. Go to youtube and search for: babies lying

        You’ll see lots of them, some even with the proof in their hands 😄😄😄
        They’re so cute even though they lie.

        You can try stopping to lie but it’s not that AWFUL !! To err it’s human, to forgive it’s devine. So: I’m sure you’re doing your best. That s what matters.
        Now stop crying, the fact that you’re crying it means that your sincere and God is oft forgiving to those who are sincere as you. Trust in God, if God knows that you repented what do you want more ? Come on dry your tears, and write this:

        I don’t like to lie, lying isn’t good but it’s human.
        I must stop feeling guilty about it.
        I must do my best.
        I am a human being that err as all the others

        Yes write that and glue it on your mirror and read it aloud.
        Yes…. again

        Liked by 1 person

      9. You’re right! but with all those tears i think that you’ve learned your lesson plus if you write that down you’ll read every morning and every night 😉

        But you must know that in a society as ours nd yours, you can’t live without lying. When you’ll go anywhere you’ll see that lying helps you in many circumstances

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Feeling guilty is what i feel when my conscious is punishing me, the only way i find peace is when i ask God’s forgiveness and feel this peaceful feeling that brings me so much Joy .

        Liked by 1 person

      11. If you throw yourself out of the window, don’t expect God to forgive you.
        If you do it, you won’t be able to correct your mistake, it will be too late and hell will be your destination.
        Think twice!

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Well know that you’re not a grape first of all, and second you’re not alone , I’m here and i will always try to make you feel happy. We all have our lows and highs. We have the power to feel good, you have the power to do what you want and feel how you want to feel. I’m sure that you’re a good person that’s why so many care about you. Be happy ’cause not many have that opportunity 💕

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Let me return that hug and that kiss to you.
        I actually went for a walk this morning, but I will go again. I love going for a walk when there is nobody on the streets. It’s so peaceful…

        Liked by 1 person

  2. ¿Tu tienes idea de la que podrias haber liado si saltas de la p*** ventana? ¡Me habrías roto la vida! Ni se te ocurra! Me tienes a mi! Tienes a gante a quien quieres y te quieren. No hagas ninguna tonteria por favor.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tambien he perdido el contacto contigo TaeTae. Solo puedo hablar aquí. Y sobre la ventana…tranquila. Decidí que intentaré terminar verano. Después ya quién sabe, no? Gracias de corazón.

      Like

      1. Como que quién sabe? Tio ni se te ocurra. Me he cagado muchísimo. Tranquila podrás hablar con esa persona de otras maneras! Todo bien!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Cierto, quien no lo sabe, lo sé yo. Se me ocurre. Lo siento por hacerte pasar un mal rato, ya me he acostumbrado a hacerselo pasar a todos. No hay otra manera de contactar con esa persona. La perdí.

        Like

  3. Dios mio pero ¿qué ha pasado? Jrd.. lo unico que quiero es que no hagas ninguna tonteria, solo me hacia falta.ver tu cara en el telediario. Ni se te ocurra. Te quiero y eres muy importante para mi. No hagas nada, pide ayuda.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. En el telediario? Humm, lo dudo. No suelen poner cara de la gente que muere. Y nadie de wordpress conoce mi cara o datos personales por lo tanto no lo sabrían. Yo tambien te quiero mucho, y tambien eres importante para mi. Pero…a quién pido ayuda? Estoy sola en esto.

      Like

      1. Lulu ni se te ocurra hacerte esto. Ni a ti ni a los que te queremos! Y no digas lo de la gente muerta ni en broma! NO ESTAS SOLA habla con tus padres, con quien tengas confuanza, con el mismo psicologo pero haz algo! Por favor no podría soportar que te pase algo…

        Liked by 2 people

      2. A veces estas cosas pasan. Una persona en la que confío (y a la que he dañado tambien) me ha dicho “animate!” Y yo respondí “sabes qué? Me animo y vuelvo a caer, a lo mejor ya estoy cansada de animarme. A lo mejor no quiero hacer nada mas al respecto” no estaré sola, pero me siento vacía.

        Like

  4. LULU YOU ARE NOT ALONE. IF YOU SUICIDE I WILL SUICIDE AS WELL!! Lulu, don’t you know there are people that truly love you? Hearing this will break their heart (AND MINE) Please don’t do it Lulu, just think there are people by your side. I AM BY YOUR SIDE AND DON’T YOU DARE TO DIE, IT’S FORBIDDEN.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. NOT TILL NEXT YEAR, BUT TILL THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. And you do deserve us! You are always happy and kind and nice and ADORABLE AND KAWAII to us, so if you want to call me you know you can. WHENEVER YOU WANT. And just enter in “recordatorios” ok?

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Por favor lu no. No por dios no. Yo tambien he sentido a veces que ya no tenia más ganas de levantarme. Cuando el cáncer volvía y cuando creía que estaba vien de nuevo recaía y ya no tenía mas ganas de seguir siendo valiente, tambien tuve ganas de dejarlo todo, pero esq no hay nada mas lindo que vivir, te lo digo de verdad. Hago lo que sea por ti, si necesitas que nos veamos y hablamos lo hacemos, si quieres te ayudo a conseguir ayuda, pero no hagas esto dios mio que no solo te mueres tu, tambien parte de la gente que te quiere muere contigo. Por favor se fuerte.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Lo estoy INTENTANDO!! Pero es un asco! Me miran con odio o disgusto. Donde está la gente que me quiere en esos momentos eh!? (La cercana) PORQUE ME GUSTARIA SABERLO. Y tambien me encantaria verte. Pero no puedo.

      Like

  6. LULU NO
    No lo hagas, no tienes a nosotr@s…
    Y yo que voy a hacer sin mi amiga, eh? Si es necesario, juro que voy a tu casa, me armo con mi nerf (que sabes que duele) y vigilo tu habitacion. Te vere pronto, y sabes que estamos para ayudarte. Estoy incluso llorando…
    Otra amiga tambien se desahogo conmigo asi, y me senti una m***… Por favor, se fuerte. No solo por ti, sino por todos. Tienes un hueco tan grande en mi corazon que si te fueras, me partiria en dos…
    Por favor te lo pido, se fuerte…

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Lulu, lo siento si te ofendí, vale? Yo te quiero mucho y no quiero que sufras por mí vale?^^ Ya que yo no he podido animarte, espero que otra persona lo consiga por mí. Entiendo que no quieras hablarlo. Te quiero❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Listen…
    I’m kinda going through what you’re going through…
    Love does.. terrible things to people

    But you gotta live…
    You have this one chance to not hurt them right?
    So live
    If you choose death
    Then it will hurt them more than anything else
    So don’t choose death…

    You think that being alive is too difficult right now
    And even I think the same…
    I find it hard to continue living
    And it actually is hard to live
    Life actually sucks…

    Living is harder than death but… You have to choose living! If not for yourself then for whoever you’re so worried about
    … You’re actually doing a good deed by being alive
    Don’t attempt suicide…
    I know this is too cliche but…
    We like your drawings and if you go away… At least 1% of our life goes with you…
    You stay! And you continue to draw! Do something you’re happy doing
    But don’t choose death ever!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Te iba a hablar pero he recordado que ya no puedo… ¿Porqué nunca me has contado estas cosas? Yo se que no soy tan importante pero tu si lo eres para mi! Te prometí que iba a estar aquí contigo cada día recordandote lo increible que eres, y no rompo mis promesas. Me da igual si a partir de ahora tiene que ser por aqui. Me siento algo culpable por todo esto… Si no quieres hacerme caso a mi, haz caso a toda esta gente de aqui, NO ESTAS SOLA. Cada vez me arrepiento más de no haberte podido ver el sabado, solo de pensar que podría haberte perdido… I love you. ^^

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love you too…se que no lo estoy, no estoy sola pero estoy rota. Y me he ido poniendo parches, pero ya, por decirlo asi, me he quedado sin tela…gracias, espero que me lo recuerdes cada día. Es un buen combustible para seguir en el mundo. Love you x2

      Like

  10. There’s nothing more I can other than these people have commented. I’m sorry. I hope you’ll feel better.
    I usually felt like this when I was a teenager. I feel sad, less energy. I think maybe you should lie on your bed. Think as many positive things as you can. Maybe fall asleep if you want to. And if you feel a little bit happy after so much time passed, then you can try and face the world once again.

    *sigh* This is what I hate it. When I want to help people and all I can do is send a bunch of text. But Lulu, you can do it. I went through this before and so can you. ^^

    Liked by 1 person

  11. no need to be sad, Lu! acabo de leer esto porque una de tus amigas me ha pasado el link y se me ha encogido un poquito el corazón. seguro que encontramos alguna manera de hablar… ¿por correo electrónico, por ejemplo? no te permitas pensar en morir, por favor, come bien, duerme bien, cuídate y quiérete. déjame saber si podemos hablar por correo, aunque sea uno al día.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Recién tuve el valor para comentarte -y porque se había ido la luz todo el día en mi casa, nghhh-
    Al leerte me dió un dolor de pecho cuando hablaste sobre la persona a
    quien quieres mucho, pues, yo también perdí a la persona que amo; sé que tu dolor y el mio no se pueden comparar, pero solo puedo decirte que está bien llorar, hazlo todo lo que necesitas porque cuando contienes el llanto, el dolor es más intenso y hace mucho más daño…y si aún tienes a la persona “cerca” (habemos algunos que ni eso tenemos), has lo posible por arreglar las cosas, ¿cómo? pregúntate qué es lo que te molesta de la situación, qué es lo que te incomoda, frustraciones, miedos y demás se pueden agregar a la lista; ya que tengas un poco de orden busca una solución, confía, y ¡esfuérzate!, ¡sé que puedes hacerlo!
    También te pediría muchísimo que te dejaras querer, hay muchos comentarios diciéndote lo mucho que te estiman (hasta a mi me preocupasss<3 e_e) y en estos casos no hace mal un abrazo, no seas dura contigo misma.

    Hay un escrito que dice que para vivir completamente tienes que morir completamente.
    Quizás no te he hablado mucho o no te conozca bien, pero sé que eres una persona genial, ¡no te rindas! ¡que éste sea un golpe con enseñanza de los muchos tantos!
    Y eso, si necesitas aquí hay alguien que puede platicar contigo c,:

    Te pongo mi Line si te gustaria :c : tovarblx
    ¡¡¡Saludos y te mando muchos abrazos unque sea de lejos!!! ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gracias por tu comentario. Me esforzaré lo que pueda, pero dejarse querer no es sencillo. Tengo amig@s pero hay veces que no tengo a nadie con quién hablar de las cosas que me pasan. Es así. La gente más cercana y lejana me veis como alguien alegre…o veiais.
      Intentaré seguir feliz, y apreciaré cada comentario escrito desde el cariño o tan solo desde la preocupación. Dejarse querer es dificil cuando no te quieres ni a ti misma, te das la sensacion de que te están misntiendo auque sabes que no es asi en absoluto.
      Gracias por todo de nuevo.

      Like

  13. LULU!! I hadn’t seen this post until now… You shouldn’t feel like this! EVER! I have been struggling with depression many years and slowly I am getting better. I know what you are going through now but please believe me when I say there are so much things worth living for!! I want to help you whenever you feel like this (this goes for all of my dear friends) and if you ever wanna talk about it more private just ask and we can add each other on Dircord, Line or whatever chat app you like💖💖 it’s important to speak to people about your feelings when you feel like you did when you wrote this post💖💖 hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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